It honestly makes me sick how disgusting human beings can be. I know I usually keep this place pretty light hearted but I just had to vent. Jerry Sandusky is one of the sickest fucks I've ever heard of. Starting an organization meant to help underprivileged children to feed your addiction of molesting little boys is something I've had a hard time even fathoming. How can people be this evil? How can other people know of this evil and not do whatever is in their power to stop it?
Some of my closest friends are Penn State students and alumni and I feel for them so much. Never have I been to a place with more pride in themselves than State College, PA. I think thats almost what makes it worse. These people who knew of the allegations and didn't go to the police had this whole community depending on them, trusting them to always do the right thing. How could they take advantage of that? Don't get me wrong I know the true villain here is solely Jerry Sandusky. I don't think Joe Paterno is more to blame for not going to the authorities than Mike McQueary, Tim Curley, or Gary Schultz, but when you have that much power how can you use it to hide a monster instead of protecting his victims? How can you look at this man in the face for years after knowing what you know without breaking his face?
It just makes me so sad because I really do love Penn State. I've spent a lot of time there over the last few years and I've never had a bad time. I just love the atmosphere you can actually feel how much each student loves that school, especially during football season. There were many opportunities missed to do the right thing and in the end the actions of few let down a whole institution. I just keep thinking about the victims, praying for them, hoping they will get the chance to have normal lives again someday. With all the drama going on because of the firing of Joe Paterno I think we've lost sight of what this is really all about. As I was watching Colin Cowherd on ESPN this morning he quoted Rick Reilly and it really stuck with me. He said, "Don't feel sorry for JoePa, he's had his life. Feel sorry for the young boys, they'll never get one." I think we should all do some praying tonight for the ones who need it the most, the victims. May they one day find peace and may Jerry Sandusky get what he deserves, to burn in hell.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
My First Recipe Post: Easy Sweet Potato Mash
As I have previously mentioned I'm pretty much obsessed with food. If I'm not eating, I'm thinking about eating. The subject pretty much never leaves my mind for more than a few seconds. I have recently discovered my love for sweet potatoes and after finding out that they not only taste incredible but are super good for you I can't stop eating them. I never thought this was going to be a food blog, but it looks like I'm not going to be able to escape it. So here for you is my super easy stress free recipe for making the best sweet potato mash.
Ingredients:
2 Sweet potatoes
2 Tablespoons butter (or margarine, but obviously I go for the higher fat content)
1-2 Tablespoons brown sugar
1. Scrub the sweet potatoes and dry them and put them on any baking sheet you have, I use a cookie sheet.
2. Put the sweet potatoes in a preheated 400 degree oven for one hour.
3. When you take them out of the oven slice each one lengthwise across the top (I found using a serrated knife was the best way to do this) and when they're cool enough to handle pull the skin away and put the flesh in a mixing bowl.
4. Using a fork mash the sweet potatoes and add in the butter and brown sugar to taste.
This makes enough for about 4 people as a side dish, depending on the size of your sweet potatoes. If you wanted to make it even more decadent you could top it with marshmallows and put the dish back in the oven for a few minutes on broil so they can brown, a-maz-ing. That's all it takes and I promise you will not be disappointed! I guess now that I have started the posting recipe trend here, there will be many more to come. Hope you all enjoy, get cooking!
Ingredients:
2 Sweet potatoes
2 Tablespoons butter (or margarine, but obviously I go for the higher fat content)
1-2 Tablespoons brown sugar
1. Scrub the sweet potatoes and dry them and put them on any baking sheet you have, I use a cookie sheet.
2. Put the sweet potatoes in a preheated 400 degree oven for one hour.
3. When you take them out of the oven slice each one lengthwise across the top (I found using a serrated knife was the best way to do this) and when they're cool enough to handle pull the skin away and put the flesh in a mixing bowl.
4. Using a fork mash the sweet potatoes and add in the butter and brown sugar to taste.
This makes enough for about 4 people as a side dish, depending on the size of your sweet potatoes. If you wanted to make it even more decadent you could top it with marshmallows and put the dish back in the oven for a few minutes on broil so they can brown, a-maz-ing. That's all it takes and I promise you will not be disappointed! I guess now that I have started the posting recipe trend here, there will be many more to come. Hope you all enjoy, get cooking!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Creeps-R-Us aka Facebook
Facebook is getting less fun every day. Its like every douche bags heaven. Don't fucking poke me. If I've never let you poke me with your dick, then 100% of the time I'm creeped out when you do it on Facebook. What does that even mean? I may just have my mind in the gutter but all I picture is getting poked by a boner and in my head its always a small one, not a good look. Don't get me started on Facebook chat. If you've tried to message or chat me 8 times and I've never answered, guess what? I'm never going to, time to throw in the towel slugger. If you wouldn't talk to the person in real life, don't talk to them on Facebook. Yes, I'm talking to you creeps I met in middle school that I haven't spoken to in at least 8 years that think its ok to "like" random pictures or chat me all the time. I can see Facebook slowly fizzing out. Soon enough it will fade altogether and end up like MySpace and Xanga, may they rest in peace. See you all on Twitter soon suckers.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Fat Kid Problems
I feel like one day I'm bound to be on "I Used to be Fat." I have a love hate relationship with food. Meaning I just love it so much but it hates me and makes me fat. I have always been blessed with a tiny waist, not so blessed with hips more than double the size and arms that look like they belong on someone who weighs 20 pounds more than I do. It makes me so mad I used to never have to worry about what I ate but as I'm getting older I can see my many trips to Krispy Kreme and Chipotle catching up with me. The thing is I want to be skinny by doing as little as possible so I'm starting a few tricks and seeing if they work.
Trick 1: Bye bye birth control. The summer I started taking birth control I gained 15 pounds. It didn't look like much because I was so small before and I acquired fantastic boobs, but of course I noticed. I'm not getting enough action right now to worry about being pregnant so there really isn't a point for me to stay on it. Plus I keep telling myself that if I stop taking birth control that I'll go right back to my prior weight, fingers crossed.
Trick 2: No eating after 8 pm. I would say 1/3 of my calorie intake is late night snacking. Moving back in with my parents has not helped at all. After their weekly Costco trips our house is filled with the most dank snacks. Dried mangos, caramel popcorn, pretzels, cookies, chocolate, basically a fat kids wet dream. Cutting this stuff out at night will be depressing but being skinny and hot will be sure to cure that depression quick.
Trick 3: Walks/ jogs, but lets be real mostly walks. I played sports all year round for 8 years but now have the endurance of Rosie O'Donnell. Like a classic fat kid I have asthma, as the weather gets colder my airways constrict. So you can catch me lookin fly around Rabbitt Rd with my inhaler in one hand and my iPhone playing Justin Bieber Pandora in the other. Time to get this ass in gear.
If I can do all this, lose weight, but keep my ass and boobs my life will be complete. Halloween is right around the corner and as a girl who has always been a huge fan of the one night of the year no one can judge you for dressing like a slut, I will be looking great. If not, I'll untag all Facebook pics so you will never know anyways!
Trick 1: Bye bye birth control. The summer I started taking birth control I gained 15 pounds. It didn't look like much because I was so small before and I acquired fantastic boobs, but of course I noticed. I'm not getting enough action right now to worry about being pregnant so there really isn't a point for me to stay on it. Plus I keep telling myself that if I stop taking birth control that I'll go right back to my prior weight, fingers crossed.
Trick 2: No eating after 8 pm. I would say 1/3 of my calorie intake is late night snacking. Moving back in with my parents has not helped at all. After their weekly Costco trips our house is filled with the most dank snacks. Dried mangos, caramel popcorn, pretzels, cookies, chocolate, basically a fat kids wet dream. Cutting this stuff out at night will be depressing but being skinny and hot will be sure to cure that depression quick.
Trick 3: Walks/ jogs, but lets be real mostly walks. I played sports all year round for 8 years but now have the endurance of Rosie O'Donnell. Like a classic fat kid I have asthma, as the weather gets colder my airways constrict. So you can catch me lookin fly around Rabbitt Rd with my inhaler in one hand and my iPhone playing Justin Bieber Pandora in the other. Time to get this ass in gear.
If I can do all this, lose weight, but keep my ass and boobs my life will be complete. Halloween is right around the corner and as a girl who has always been a huge fan of the one night of the year no one can judge you for dressing like a slut, I will be looking great. If not, I'll untag all Facebook pics so you will never know anyways!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Open Letter to MTV
Dear MTV,
Y'all done fucked up. I got an email asking me to come try out for Real Word 27 after I had put in an online application about a month ago. I was pumped! So I got my ass out of bed at the crack of 11:30am on Saturday got ready and made my way to Adams Morgan. In my email it said I had a "VIP cut the line pass." Cough, BULLSHIT. Everyone had the cut the line pass, you assholes. I didn't mind because I figured it wouldn't matter, once I talked to a casting director I would for sure at least get a second interview. By the time I got inside it was so rushed that I was in a group with 12 other people, asked 2 questions and then asked to leave. Are you for real? I just stood in line for an hour and a half in the freezing rain and came in(still looking fly as shit) and all you're going to give me is 30 seconds?! All I have to say is it is YOUR loss. I know I come off conceited as shit almost all the time but you have to give it to me, I'd be fucking perfect for Real World. I'm funnier than Snooki, skinnier, and I actually have a brain. You are missing out on many blackout nights of me acting a fool and being generally awesome. I hope you find what you're looking for, but it wont be better than this. Don't worry though you'll find me on tv one day. Remember, I was born to be famous.
Best,
Amy Michelle Libby
Y'all done fucked up. I got an email asking me to come try out for Real Word 27 after I had put in an online application about a month ago. I was pumped! So I got my ass out of bed at the crack of 11:30am on Saturday got ready and made my way to Adams Morgan. In my email it said I had a "VIP cut the line pass." Cough, BULLSHIT. Everyone had the cut the line pass, you assholes. I didn't mind because I figured it wouldn't matter, once I talked to a casting director I would for sure at least get a second interview. By the time I got inside it was so rushed that I was in a group with 12 other people, asked 2 questions and then asked to leave. Are you for real? I just stood in line for an hour and a half in the freezing rain and came in(still looking fly as shit) and all you're going to give me is 30 seconds?! All I have to say is it is YOUR loss. I know I come off conceited as shit almost all the time but you have to give it to me, I'd be fucking perfect for Real World. I'm funnier than Snooki, skinnier, and I actually have a brain. You are missing out on many blackout nights of me acting a fool and being generally awesome. I hope you find what you're looking for, but it wont be better than this. Don't worry though you'll find me on tv one day. Remember, I was born to be famous.
Best,
Amy Michelle Libby
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Cee Lopalooza
Everyone has had their, "Is this real life?" moment. Mine just happened to last a whole weekend. On Wednesday August 3rd I replied to a tweet from Cee Lo Green mostly as a joke, thinking I would never get a response. His tweet said, "Looking for a beautiful free-spirited girl to play my sex slave on stage at Lollapalooza." Immediately l so modestly thought, "Wow, that sounds just like me." So I responded, "I would be perfect for that." about 20 minutes later I got a direct message from Cee Lo asking if I was for real. I didn't think it was really him, maybe just someone in his entourage but of course I responded! I told him if he could get me to Chicago I would of course be down. He told me he would see what he could do, but I didn't hear from him for a day so I figured it was all too good to be true.
That Friday I had taken my cousin to lunch and while we were out I got a notification from Twitter on my phone, it was another direct message from Cee Lo asking if I was ready to fly out that night. I basically started hyperventilating, this had to be a dream right? I got off work at 5 that day and rushed home to shower and get ready. I had been anticipating getting my flight information since 1pm that day and it was 7 and I still hadn't heard anything. I again started to doubt the legitimacy of this whole interaction. At 7:45pm I got a text from Cee Lo with all my flight info, unfortunately for me the flight was leaving at 9pm from BWI and there was no way I could make it at that point. I texted him back apologizing but I just couldn't make it, it was too short of notice but if there was a flight in the morning I would gladly take that. Next thing I knew I got a call from his assistant with info for a flight leaving at 7:30 from BWI Saturday morning.
When I arrived in Chicago the next morning there was an Escalade waiting to pick me up. I pinched myself at least 4 times. I arrived at the W hotel and was led up to Cee Lo's room. I was expecting there to be a bunch of people there getting him ready for the show and getting me ready too. I was mistaken, Cee Lo let me in and it was just me and him hangin like old friends for like 6 hours. We watched shark week and Stepbrothers, I was in heaven. He was totally cool and grounded, he explained to me because of some bitch selling a story to the Enquirer about him I wasn't going to be able to join him on stage but I would still get to go to the show. I couldn't care less about not going on stage, I had just gotten a free trip to Chicago and was getting a backstage pass to Lollapalooza, a festival I had wanted to go to for months but could never afford.
My best friend Alyson had recently moved to Chicago so I left the W to meet her for dinner and drinks. While I was out Cee Lo texted me telling me to be ready to leave at 5:30. I asked if Alyson could come with me and he said sure. So wait, not only was I going backstage at Lollapalooza but my best friend in the whole world who I hardly get to see was coming with me. I was floored to say the least! Alyson, me, and the rest of Cee Lo's entourage arrived through the back gates of the festival in 2 blacked out Denali's. I have never felt more important in my life. We got to watch Cee Lo from above the stage on the rafters, his show was unreal. He left shortly after his performance but Alyson and I stayed for the open bar and an epic Eminem performance. After getting trashed and leaving the show with some nerds and going to a bar instead of Eminem's after party we were invited to(we've been kicking ourselves for a couple months for that one) we went back to Alyson's and passed the fuck out. I left to head back to Maryland at 3 the next day still in a dreamy haze. I had slept for a total of 8 hours that whole weekend but it didn't matter to me. Who needs sleep when your life is a dream?
That Friday I had taken my cousin to lunch and while we were out I got a notification from Twitter on my phone, it was another direct message from Cee Lo asking if I was ready to fly out that night. I basically started hyperventilating, this had to be a dream right? I got off work at 5 that day and rushed home to shower and get ready. I had been anticipating getting my flight information since 1pm that day and it was 7 and I still hadn't heard anything. I again started to doubt the legitimacy of this whole interaction. At 7:45pm I got a text from Cee Lo with all my flight info, unfortunately for me the flight was leaving at 9pm from BWI and there was no way I could make it at that point. I texted him back apologizing but I just couldn't make it, it was too short of notice but if there was a flight in the morning I would gladly take that. Next thing I knew I got a call from his assistant with info for a flight leaving at 7:30 from BWI Saturday morning.
When I arrived in Chicago the next morning there was an Escalade waiting to pick me up. I pinched myself at least 4 times. I arrived at the W hotel and was led up to Cee Lo's room. I was expecting there to be a bunch of people there getting him ready for the show and getting me ready too. I was mistaken, Cee Lo let me in and it was just me and him hangin like old friends for like 6 hours. We watched shark week and Stepbrothers, I was in heaven. He was totally cool and grounded, he explained to me because of some bitch selling a story to the Enquirer about him I wasn't going to be able to join him on stage but I would still get to go to the show. I couldn't care less about not going on stage, I had just gotten a free trip to Chicago and was getting a backstage pass to Lollapalooza, a festival I had wanted to go to for months but could never afford.
My best friend Alyson had recently moved to Chicago so I left the W to meet her for dinner and drinks. While I was out Cee Lo texted me telling me to be ready to leave at 5:30. I asked if Alyson could come with me and he said sure. So wait, not only was I going backstage at Lollapalooza but my best friend in the whole world who I hardly get to see was coming with me. I was floored to say the least! Alyson, me, and the rest of Cee Lo's entourage arrived through the back gates of the festival in 2 blacked out Denali's. I have never felt more important in my life. We got to watch Cee Lo from above the stage on the rafters, his show was unreal. He left shortly after his performance but Alyson and I stayed for the open bar and an epic Eminem performance. After getting trashed and leaving the show with some nerds and going to a bar instead of Eminem's after party we were invited to(we've been kicking ourselves for a couple months for that one) we went back to Alyson's and passed the fuck out. I left to head back to Maryland at 3 the next day still in a dreamy haze. I had slept for a total of 8 hours that whole weekend but it didn't matter to me. Who needs sleep when your life is a dream?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
My Favorite Love/Hate Relationship
My best friend/roommate is an insecure Asian that used to be fat and funny and is now skinny and an asshole. I don't wanna give him away but his nickname is a type of transportation, lets just call him Plane. Never in my life have I met someone like Plane. I love him and would do anything for him, and hate him and would leave him stranded on the side of the road all at the same time. When its just us he really is the best friend. I can ask him for advice and he actually listens to me but put Plane in a room full of people and you got a "situation."
He thinks its funny to make fun of me and play practical jokes. For Valentines Day this past year he brought home flowers and balloons from his office and put them out for me with a card saying they were from a boy I really liked. I was so excited and surprised, I kept asking if this was a joke and he kept saying no. I couldn't stop smiling and then I looked over and Plane was laughing hysterically. My heart sank, did he really just get me that good? He then proceeded to call every one of our friends and tell them what I just fell for making me look like a complete idiot. I started plotting how I was going to get him back immediately. I believe the next night I may or may not have slapped him in the face 4 times. He takes poking fun to a whole new level: hell.
He can also be a total sweetheart. I couldn't tell you how many times he's brought me chipotle in bed when I'm too hungover on a Sunday morning. He's bagged all my laundry for me and driven it from our house in Kensington to my parents house in Gaithersburg. He's opened up to me about times when you would actually believe he had a heart. That he cares about girls as more than just one night stands. If I could have this Plane all the time I wouldn't have to yell nearly as much as I do now.
I don't see my Planey boy coming out of his player dick head ways anytime soon. I don't mind though because I'm just as mean to him as he is to me and when you have a confidence like mine a few ego blows are healthy every once in awhile. Same for him, I have learned to never tell him, "You're so funny!" or, "Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?" This only fuels evil Plane and make him feel more important. Now I just shoot him down as often as possible. When he calls I ask, "Did you eat carbs today? Your voice sounds fatter." And I make sure to never ever compliment him on his outfit choices.
Plane will always be one of my closest friends. I made a $1000 bet with him that we won't make out in the next 5 years. I am looking very much forward to collecting that money in 2016.
He thinks its funny to make fun of me and play practical jokes. For Valentines Day this past year he brought home flowers and balloons from his office and put them out for me with a card saying they were from a boy I really liked. I was so excited and surprised, I kept asking if this was a joke and he kept saying no. I couldn't stop smiling and then I looked over and Plane was laughing hysterically. My heart sank, did he really just get me that good? He then proceeded to call every one of our friends and tell them what I just fell for making me look like a complete idiot. I started plotting how I was going to get him back immediately. I believe the next night I may or may not have slapped him in the face 4 times. He takes poking fun to a whole new level: hell.
He can also be a total sweetheart. I couldn't tell you how many times he's brought me chipotle in bed when I'm too hungover on a Sunday morning. He's bagged all my laundry for me and driven it from our house in Kensington to my parents house in Gaithersburg. He's opened up to me about times when you would actually believe he had a heart. That he cares about girls as more than just one night stands. If I could have this Plane all the time I wouldn't have to yell nearly as much as I do now.
I don't see my Planey boy coming out of his player dick head ways anytime soon. I don't mind though because I'm just as mean to him as he is to me and when you have a confidence like mine a few ego blows are healthy every once in awhile. Same for him, I have learned to never tell him, "You're so funny!" or, "Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?" This only fuels evil Plane and make him feel more important. Now I just shoot him down as often as possible. When he calls I ask, "Did you eat carbs today? Your voice sounds fatter." And I make sure to never ever compliment him on his outfit choices.
Plane will always be one of my closest friends. I made a $1000 bet with him that we won't make out in the next 5 years. I am looking very much forward to collecting that money in 2016.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Shit Just Got Real
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| My badass tattoo. |
I wish I had the guts to go for it but like most things the fear of failing keeps me from trying. Yes, I'm finally admitting I'm not perfect. Obviously making it in the music industry isn't an easy thing to do, but I bet the 6 year old inside me would be pretty upset I never tried. I mean lets be real, I'm cuter than Miley and would've made a much better Hannah Montana. If only my dad had a mullet in the 90s and written, "Achey Breaky Heart." Just another one of my problems I can attribute solely to my parents.
Now, for all you haters out there who have judged me on my tattoo or thought it was dumb, I hope you understand a little better. Music is my therapy. When I'm having a bad day nothing makes me feel better than belting my heart out in the car. This is why I have started to think more recently that I should share some of my stuff. Insecurities can only hold you back for so long, no ones going to hand you your dream it always takes ambition and hard work. So any acoustic guitar players looking for someone to jam with, holler at your girl. Maybe even if I can't be Hannah Montana I can be even better just by being me.
Monday, August 29, 2011
If You Like it, You Probably Can't Put a Ring on it.
I act like more of a dude than most guys I know. I can't stand being tied down and as soon as someone thinks they are going to occupy my every weekend I'm out the door. Listen bro, just cuz you're hot and we've hung out a few times, maybe had a make out sesh or 2, doesn't mean I'm gonna keep talking to you. I hope you realize you aren't the only guy late night texting me. It's not you, it's me.
Sometimes I frustrate myself. I've been single for almost 3 years now and I do get lonely and want a special someone around. My problem is I can't find anyone I like more than I like myself. I know, I know, I'm not the most modest but for real, I'm pretty tight. I don't want to waste my time hanging out with someone who bores me when I could entertain myself much better. I can't tell you how many times I've canceled plans with guys because I'd rather look at my profile pictures and watch Stepbrothers. I love the "pink eye" excuse and I also pull the friend in need card. I guess I'm just not ready for commitment or maybe I'm afraid of getting hurt again.
I have A.D.D. to the max, I've had 2 guys in my life hold my attention for longer than a month. I am the queen of wanting what I can't have. I love a challenge and usually it comes back to bite me in the ass. I have a tendency to fall for guys who are emotionally unavailable, basically I like guys who act like me. One day I'll find my perfect blend of asshole and sweetheart, but until then I'm gonna keep using the "pink eye" excuse.
Sometimes I frustrate myself. I've been single for almost 3 years now and I do get lonely and want a special someone around. My problem is I can't find anyone I like more than I like myself. I know, I know, I'm not the most modest but for real, I'm pretty tight. I don't want to waste my time hanging out with someone who bores me when I could entertain myself much better. I can't tell you how many times I've canceled plans with guys because I'd rather look at my profile pictures and watch Stepbrothers. I love the "pink eye" excuse and I also pull the friend in need card. I guess I'm just not ready for commitment or maybe I'm afraid of getting hurt again.
I have A.D.D. to the max, I've had 2 guys in my life hold my attention for longer than a month. I am the queen of wanting what I can't have. I love a challenge and usually it comes back to bite me in the ass. I have a tendency to fall for guys who are emotionally unavailable, basically I like guys who act like me. One day I'll find my perfect blend of asshole and sweetheart, but until then I'm gonna keep using the "pink eye" excuse.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
This Post is the Tits
Boobs. Do I have your attention? The best accessory a girl can have is a nice rack. If you didn't get em from yo momma I suggest you invest in a good push up bra, or be like Sammi Sweetheart and wear two at the same time. I have no fashion sense, almost every outfit I own I buy because they make my boobs look good. Lucky for me the powers of birth control have blessed me with awesome tits. Most of the time you can find me bra-less and they still look awesome. I understand that in 20 years these puppies aren't gonna be so pretty anymore, without the helps of plastic surgery, so I like to show them off as best I can while I'm still young.  |
| Low cut scandal, prom 2005 |
Monday, August 22, 2011
Pale Girl in a Tan World
Have you ever had anyone be legit worried that you might suck their blood? Have you ever had so many freckles blend together that you almost looked tan? Welcome to my life. Being a pale girl in a tan world is rough, especially around summertime. Its not that I don't try! I lay out for hours on the beach get some nice lines then I come inside only to realize that my deep tan is most peoples skin color in the middle of January. Fuck me right?
Like all my problems, this is all my moms fault. She may of blessed me with beautiful eyes, thick hair, and a nice romp, but bronzed skin…not so much. Whenever my heritage is brought up I say I'm pretty much a mutt but I'm mostly Spanish and Irish. I know what you're thinking my mom must be Irish and thats where I get the pale skin from, nope. The funny thing is she's Spanish but not the good kind of Spanish. You know the girls who look like they have an instant spray tan all year long, that ain't me. Her mom was born in Spain, which for all you idiots out there is in Europe where not everyone has dark skin. People always call bullshit on me so I needed to clear that up.
I can only work with what I got and this is why spray tans have been one of my best friends since I was 15. The key to spray tans is not going too dark. No one thinks an oompa loompa is sexy girlfriend, unless you're dating a gorilla head guido (YUCK!). I always stick with a level 1, no bronzer. The invention of the Versa Spa, at Palm Beach Tan, which sprays you then dries you off so you don't have to worry about looking blotchy…next to discovering the enhance button on iPhoto, is the best thing thats ever happened to me.
I always encounter problems when a certain photographer by the name of MJB takes pictures of me with her camera. I'm so pale and usually the people I'm in the picture with are tan so I end up being completely washed out. Karen likes to say I look like "Casper with a wig on." Its like I don't have a nose all you can see are eyes and lips, WTF. I try to avoid being photographed by her at all costs, including running, ducking, and occasionally pushing to get away.
When all is said and done, I'm never going to be tan so I gotta deal with it. Lucky for me my freckles are cute and I'll always look innocent no matter how much of a bad girl I actually am. While all you bronze bitches are getting Botox at 30 because of all your sun damage I'll be looking young and wrinkle free, so suck it fools. Pale is the new tan.
Like all my problems, this is all my moms fault. She may of blessed me with beautiful eyes, thick hair, and a nice romp, but bronzed skin…not so much. Whenever my heritage is brought up I say I'm pretty much a mutt but I'm mostly Spanish and Irish. I know what you're thinking my mom must be Irish and thats where I get the pale skin from, nope. The funny thing is she's Spanish but not the good kind of Spanish. You know the girls who look like they have an instant spray tan all year long, that ain't me. Her mom was born in Spain, which for all you idiots out there is in Europe where not everyone has dark skin. People always call bullshit on me so I needed to clear that up.
I can only work with what I got and this is why spray tans have been one of my best friends since I was 15. The key to spray tans is not going too dark. No one thinks an oompa loompa is sexy girlfriend, unless you're dating a gorilla head guido (YUCK!). I always stick with a level 1, no bronzer. The invention of the Versa Spa, at Palm Beach Tan, which sprays you then dries you off so you don't have to worry about looking blotchy…next to discovering the enhance button on iPhoto, is the best thing thats ever happened to me.
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| Honestly, where is my nose? Thanks mom. |
When all is said and done, I'm never going to be tan so I gotta deal with it. Lucky for me my freckles are cute and I'll always look innocent no matter how much of a bad girl I actually am. While all you bronze bitches are getting Botox at 30 because of all your sun damage I'll be looking young and wrinkle free, so suck it fools. Pale is the new tan.
The Sad Tale of a Post-Grad
Four years and $100K of college tuition has led me straight to the same place I started: my parent's basement. Yea I went to Europe for the month of July... but it wasn't your "oh yeah after college I went backpacking with some people and met other people and got really high in Amsterdam" type of trip. It was more like "yeah I stayed in 5-star hotels and had really nice dinners with my parents who go to sleep before I wake up." So honestly... I have no idea why Amy would ask me to write for her site. Other than seeing some ruins and famous stuff in Europe, I've spent the summer posted up my parent's couch with Costco's generic diet green tea bottles and utz potato chips, the rippled kind obviously. I have no real life experience, no future plans and the only thing on my to-do list today is to take a shower. And in between the on-demand episodes of Weeds on a Friday night, I wonder how I got back here? Three months ago I was falling asleep on my porch and going to the bar in pajamas, because I could. Three months ago the only decision I had was how much did I have to study for tomorrow's test before I could go to the bars. I can't even remember the last time I went to a bar where the girls were slutty and the boys were fun. For the first time in my life, I actually have to skip the eyeshadow and Victoria Secret's glitter puff because it's "too much." I don't know whats happening in my life, but all I know is if I can't show up to a bar in a tube dress, heels and gold hoops.. count. me. out.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Twitter: Where Normal Hot Girls Feel Important
I love Twitter. Unlike Facebook, I only have to follow people I actually want to hear from and people can see how awesome and funny I am in 160 characters or less. The best part though is being an attractive girl on twitter, there can be many benefits.
The most important part of your page, if you can manage being an attractive girl, is your picture. I am very critical about mine, I obviously pick out my best close up. Requirements are as follows, big smile, good hair, little bit of cleavage (but not enough to make you look like a whore), and cute form fitting clothes. The reason your picture on Twitter is way more important than your picture on Facebook is on twitter you may actually have the opportunity to interact with your favorite celebs, musicians, and athletes.
Now I don't want to brag, but twitter has done some pretty big things for me. I have been DMed (or direct messaged for all you newbs out there) by a couple Capitals players and a certain mega star you might've seen as a coach on a show called "The Voice." Every time I was messaged though I wasn't ever expecting a response. The key is to never look desperate or like you're trying to get attention. Kind of like getting guys in real life, the more desperate you look the more you ain't getting shit back. One of those messages never panned out but the other 2 are great stories for another day and another post (stay tuned).
To be a #boss on twitter you must #riseandgrind and piss excellence, reply to all the celebs you love without looking like a psycho, be clever and get all the RTs you can. If you can't manage that than #sorrynotsorry but twitter just ain't you.
The most important part of your page, if you can manage being an attractive girl, is your picture. I am very critical about mine, I obviously pick out my best close up. Requirements are as follows, big smile, good hair, little bit of cleavage (but not enough to make you look like a whore), and cute form fitting clothes. The reason your picture on Twitter is way more important than your picture on Facebook is on twitter you may actually have the opportunity to interact with your favorite celebs, musicians, and athletes.
Now I don't want to brag, but twitter has done some pretty big things for me. I have been DMed (or direct messaged for all you newbs out there) by a couple Capitals players and a certain mega star you might've seen as a coach on a show called "The Voice." Every time I was messaged though I wasn't ever expecting a response. The key is to never look desperate or like you're trying to get attention. Kind of like getting guys in real life, the more desperate you look the more you ain't getting shit back. One of those messages never panned out but the other 2 are great stories for another day and another post (stay tuned).
To be a #boss on twitter you must #riseandgrind and piss excellence, reply to all the celebs you love without looking like a psycho, be clever and get all the RTs you can. If you can't manage that than #sorrynotsorry but twitter just ain't you.
Bieber Nation
The amount of dreams I've had about Justin Bieber could get me arrested. I am a 22 year old woman and have never been known for cradle robbing but for some reason I just can't get that beautiful 17 year old out of my mind. I'm the first to admit I used to be a legit Bieber hater, but Never Say Never seriously changed my life. We've all heard the term "Bieber fever" and rolled our eyes but this fever is no joke. I've personally seen many haters come down with the symptoms.
It all starts when the movie begins, you see little baby Justin playing the drums and singing his heart out and you realize he isn't just some Disney protégé, this kid has serious talent. Along with the fact that he comes from teen parents and was mostly brought up by his perfectly adorable grandparents, how can you not fall in love?! By the time the concert footage starts your already swept up in the madness and have no hopes of recovering, you officially have full on Bieber fever and will soon declare yourself a "belieber." By the time he performs "One Less Lonely Girl" and brings a girl on stage you are screaming, "I WANNA BE THE LONELY GIRRRRRL!!!" Ok, maybe that was just me but this adolescent is seriously swoon worthy.
If you think you are safe from the fever after the movie is over you are sorely mistaken. I have only fallen deeper in love since seeing Never Say Never for the first time and the Biebs has only gotten more beautiful. His hair is shorter, his voice is lower, he has a more sexy demeanor at this point I would kick a small child if it meant I could be close to Justin. Nevermind that he was born the same year I went to Kindergarten, one day he will be mine. Just gotta wait 6 months and 2 weeks til its legal, unless I find him in Canada where the age of consent is 14. Watch out boo, I'll fiiiind you!
It all starts when the movie begins, you see little baby Justin playing the drums and singing his heart out and you realize he isn't just some Disney protégé, this kid has serious talent. Along with the fact that he comes from teen parents and was mostly brought up by his perfectly adorable grandparents, how can you not fall in love?! By the time the concert footage starts your already swept up in the madness and have no hopes of recovering, you officially have full on Bieber fever and will soon declare yourself a "belieber." By the time he performs "One Less Lonely Girl" and brings a girl on stage you are screaming, "I WANNA BE THE LONELY GIRRRRRL!!!" Ok, maybe that was just me but this adolescent is seriously swoon worthy.
If you think you are safe from the fever after the movie is over you are sorely mistaken. I have only fallen deeper in love since seeing Never Say Never for the first time and the Biebs has only gotten more beautiful. His hair is shorter, his voice is lower, he has a more sexy demeanor at this point I would kick a small child if it meant I could be close to Justin. Nevermind that he was born the same year I went to Kindergarten, one day he will be mine. Just gotta wait 6 months and 2 weeks til its legal, unless I find him in Canada where the age of consent is 14. Watch out boo, I'll fiiiind you!
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