My best friend/roommate is an insecure Asian that used to be fat and funny and is now skinny and an asshole. I don't wanna give him away but his nickname is a type of transportation, lets just call him Plane. Never in my life have I met someone like Plane. I love him and would do anything for him, and hate him and would leave him stranded on the side of the road all at the same time. When its just us he really is the best friend. I can ask him for advice and he actually listens to me but put Plane in a room full of people and you got a "situation."
He thinks its funny to make fun of me and play practical jokes. For Valentines Day this past year he brought home flowers and balloons from his office and put them out for me with a card saying they were from a boy I really liked. I was so excited and surprised, I kept asking if this was a joke and he kept saying no. I couldn't stop smiling and then I looked over and Plane was laughing hysterically. My heart sank, did he really just get me that good? He then proceeded to call every one of our friends and tell them what I just fell for making me look like a complete idiot. I started plotting how I was going to get him back immediately. I believe the next night I may or may not have slapped him in the face 4 times. He takes poking fun to a whole new level: hell.
He can also be a total sweetheart. I couldn't tell you how many times he's brought me chipotle in bed when I'm too hungover on a Sunday morning. He's bagged all my laundry for me and driven it from our house in Kensington to my parents house in Gaithersburg. He's opened up to me about times when you would actually believe he had a heart. That he cares about girls as more than just one night stands. If I could have this Plane all the time I wouldn't have to yell nearly as much as I do now.
I don't see my Planey boy coming out of his player dick head ways anytime soon. I don't mind though because I'm just as mean to him as he is to me and when you have a confidence like mine a few ego blows are healthy every once in awhile. Same for him, I have learned to never tell him, "You're so funny!" or, "Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?" This only fuels evil Plane and make him feel more important. Now I just shoot him down as often as possible. When he calls I ask, "Did you eat carbs today? Your voice sounds fatter." And I make sure to never ever compliment him on his outfit choices.
Plane will always be one of my closest friends. I made a $1000 bet with him that we won't make out in the next 5 years. I am looking very much forward to collecting that money in 2016.
