Facebook is getting less fun every day. Its like every douche bags heaven. Don't fucking poke me. If I've never let you poke me with your dick, then 100% of the time I'm creeped out when you do it on Facebook. What does that even mean? I may just have my mind in the gutter but all I picture is getting poked by a boner and in my head its always a small one, not a good look. Don't get me started on Facebook chat. If you've tried to message or chat me 8 times and I've never answered, guess what? I'm never going to, time to throw in the towel slugger. If you wouldn't talk to the person in real life, don't talk to them on Facebook. Yes, I'm talking to you creeps I met in middle school that I haven't spoken to in at least 8 years that think its ok to "like" random pictures or chat me all the time. I can see Facebook slowly fizzing out. Soon enough it will fade altogether and end up like MySpace and Xanga, may they rest in peace. See you all on Twitter soon suckers.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Creeps-R-Us aka Facebook
Facebook is getting less fun every day. Its like every douche bags heaven. Don't fucking poke me. If I've never let you poke me with your dick, then 100% of the time I'm creeped out when you do it on Facebook. What does that even mean? I may just have my mind in the gutter but all I picture is getting poked by a boner and in my head its always a small one, not a good look. Don't get me started on Facebook chat. If you've tried to message or chat me 8 times and I've never answered, guess what? I'm never going to, time to throw in the towel slugger. If you wouldn't talk to the person in real life, don't talk to them on Facebook. Yes, I'm talking to you creeps I met in middle school that I haven't spoken to in at least 8 years that think its ok to "like" random pictures or chat me all the time. I can see Facebook slowly fizzing out. Soon enough it will fade altogether and end up like MySpace and Xanga, may they rest in peace. See you all on Twitter soon suckers.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Fat Kid Problems
I feel like one day I'm bound to be on "I Used to be Fat." I have a love hate relationship with food. Meaning I just love it so much but it hates me and makes me fat. I have always been blessed with a tiny waist, not so blessed with hips more than double the size and arms that look like they belong on someone who weighs 20 pounds more than I do. It makes me so mad I used to never have to worry about what I ate but as I'm getting older I can see my many trips to Krispy Kreme and Chipotle catching up with me. The thing is I want to be skinny by doing as little as possible so I'm starting a few tricks and seeing if they work.
Trick 1: Bye bye birth control. The summer I started taking birth control I gained 15 pounds. It didn't look like much because I was so small before and I acquired fantastic boobs, but of course I noticed. I'm not getting enough action right now to worry about being pregnant so there really isn't a point for me to stay on it. Plus I keep telling myself that if I stop taking birth control that I'll go right back to my prior weight, fingers crossed.
Trick 2: No eating after 8 pm. I would say 1/3 of my calorie intake is late night snacking. Moving back in with my parents has not helped at all. After their weekly Costco trips our house is filled with the most dank snacks. Dried mangos, caramel popcorn, pretzels, cookies, chocolate, basically a fat kids wet dream. Cutting this stuff out at night will be depressing but being skinny and hot will be sure to cure that depression quick.
Trick 3: Walks/ jogs, but lets be real mostly walks. I played sports all year round for 8 years but now have the endurance of Rosie O'Donnell. Like a classic fat kid I have asthma, as the weather gets colder my airways constrict. So you can catch me lookin fly around Rabbitt Rd with my inhaler in one hand and my iPhone playing Justin Bieber Pandora in the other. Time to get this ass in gear.
If I can do all this, lose weight, but keep my ass and boobs my life will be complete. Halloween is right around the corner and as a girl who has always been a huge fan of the one night of the year no one can judge you for dressing like a slut, I will be looking great. If not, I'll untag all Facebook pics so you will never know anyways!
Trick 1: Bye bye birth control. The summer I started taking birth control I gained 15 pounds. It didn't look like much because I was so small before and I acquired fantastic boobs, but of course I noticed. I'm not getting enough action right now to worry about being pregnant so there really isn't a point for me to stay on it. Plus I keep telling myself that if I stop taking birth control that I'll go right back to my prior weight, fingers crossed.
Trick 2: No eating after 8 pm. I would say 1/3 of my calorie intake is late night snacking. Moving back in with my parents has not helped at all. After their weekly Costco trips our house is filled with the most dank snacks. Dried mangos, caramel popcorn, pretzels, cookies, chocolate, basically a fat kids wet dream. Cutting this stuff out at night will be depressing but being skinny and hot will be sure to cure that depression quick.
Trick 3: Walks/ jogs, but lets be real mostly walks. I played sports all year round for 8 years but now have the endurance of Rosie O'Donnell. Like a classic fat kid I have asthma, as the weather gets colder my airways constrict. So you can catch me lookin fly around Rabbitt Rd with my inhaler in one hand and my iPhone playing Justin Bieber Pandora in the other. Time to get this ass in gear.
If I can do all this, lose weight, but keep my ass and boobs my life will be complete. Halloween is right around the corner and as a girl who has always been a huge fan of the one night of the year no one can judge you for dressing like a slut, I will be looking great. If not, I'll untag all Facebook pics so you will never know anyways!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Open Letter to MTV
Dear MTV,
Y'all done fucked up. I got an email asking me to come try out for Real Word 27 after I had put in an online application about a month ago. I was pumped! So I got my ass out of bed at the crack of 11:30am on Saturday got ready and made my way to Adams Morgan. In my email it said I had a "VIP cut the line pass." Cough, BULLSHIT. Everyone had the cut the line pass, you assholes. I didn't mind because I figured it wouldn't matter, once I talked to a casting director I would for sure at least get a second interview. By the time I got inside it was so rushed that I was in a group with 12 other people, asked 2 questions and then asked to leave. Are you for real? I just stood in line for an hour and a half in the freezing rain and came in(still looking fly as shit) and all you're going to give me is 30 seconds?! All I have to say is it is YOUR loss. I know I come off conceited as shit almost all the time but you have to give it to me, I'd be fucking perfect for Real World. I'm funnier than Snooki, skinnier, and I actually have a brain. You are missing out on many blackout nights of me acting a fool and being generally awesome. I hope you find what you're looking for, but it wont be better than this. Don't worry though you'll find me on tv one day. Remember, I was born to be famous.
Best,
Amy Michelle Libby
Y'all done fucked up. I got an email asking me to come try out for Real Word 27 after I had put in an online application about a month ago. I was pumped! So I got my ass out of bed at the crack of 11:30am on Saturday got ready and made my way to Adams Morgan. In my email it said I had a "VIP cut the line pass." Cough, BULLSHIT. Everyone had the cut the line pass, you assholes. I didn't mind because I figured it wouldn't matter, once I talked to a casting director I would for sure at least get a second interview. By the time I got inside it was so rushed that I was in a group with 12 other people, asked 2 questions and then asked to leave. Are you for real? I just stood in line for an hour and a half in the freezing rain and came in(still looking fly as shit) and all you're going to give me is 30 seconds?! All I have to say is it is YOUR loss. I know I come off conceited as shit almost all the time but you have to give it to me, I'd be fucking perfect for Real World. I'm funnier than Snooki, skinnier, and I actually have a brain. You are missing out on many blackout nights of me acting a fool and being generally awesome. I hope you find what you're looking for, but it wont be better than this. Don't worry though you'll find me on tv one day. Remember, I was born to be famous.
Best,
Amy Michelle Libby
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Cee Lopalooza
Everyone has had their, "Is this real life?" moment. Mine just happened to last a whole weekend. On Wednesday August 3rd I replied to a tweet from Cee Lo Green mostly as a joke, thinking I would never get a response. His tweet said, "Looking for a beautiful free-spirited girl to play my sex slave on stage at Lollapalooza." Immediately l so modestly thought, "Wow, that sounds just like me." So I responded, "I would be perfect for that." about 20 minutes later I got a direct message from Cee Lo asking if I was for real. I didn't think it was really him, maybe just someone in his entourage but of course I responded! I told him if he could get me to Chicago I would of course be down. He told me he would see what he could do, but I didn't hear from him for a day so I figured it was all too good to be true.
That Friday I had taken my cousin to lunch and while we were out I got a notification from Twitter on my phone, it was another direct message from Cee Lo asking if I was ready to fly out that night. I basically started hyperventilating, this had to be a dream right? I got off work at 5 that day and rushed home to shower and get ready. I had been anticipating getting my flight information since 1pm that day and it was 7 and I still hadn't heard anything. I again started to doubt the legitimacy of this whole interaction. At 7:45pm I got a text from Cee Lo with all my flight info, unfortunately for me the flight was leaving at 9pm from BWI and there was no way I could make it at that point. I texted him back apologizing but I just couldn't make it, it was too short of notice but if there was a flight in the morning I would gladly take that. Next thing I knew I got a call from his assistant with info for a flight leaving at 7:30 from BWI Saturday morning.
When I arrived in Chicago the next morning there was an Escalade waiting to pick me up. I pinched myself at least 4 times. I arrived at the W hotel and was led up to Cee Lo's room. I was expecting there to be a bunch of people there getting him ready for the show and getting me ready too. I was mistaken, Cee Lo let me in and it was just me and him hangin like old friends for like 6 hours. We watched shark week and Stepbrothers, I was in heaven. He was totally cool and grounded, he explained to me because of some bitch selling a story to the Enquirer about him I wasn't going to be able to join him on stage but I would still get to go to the show. I couldn't care less about not going on stage, I had just gotten a free trip to Chicago and was getting a backstage pass to Lollapalooza, a festival I had wanted to go to for months but could never afford.
My best friend Alyson had recently moved to Chicago so I left the W to meet her for dinner and drinks. While I was out Cee Lo texted me telling me to be ready to leave at 5:30. I asked if Alyson could come with me and he said sure. So wait, not only was I going backstage at Lollapalooza but my best friend in the whole world who I hardly get to see was coming with me. I was floored to say the least! Alyson, me, and the rest of Cee Lo's entourage arrived through the back gates of the festival in 2 blacked out Denali's. I have never felt more important in my life. We got to watch Cee Lo from above the stage on the rafters, his show was unreal. He left shortly after his performance but Alyson and I stayed for the open bar and an epic Eminem performance. After getting trashed and leaving the show with some nerds and going to a bar instead of Eminem's after party we were invited to(we've been kicking ourselves for a couple months for that one) we went back to Alyson's and passed the fuck out. I left to head back to Maryland at 3 the next day still in a dreamy haze. I had slept for a total of 8 hours that whole weekend but it didn't matter to me. Who needs sleep when your life is a dream?
That Friday I had taken my cousin to lunch and while we were out I got a notification from Twitter on my phone, it was another direct message from Cee Lo asking if I was ready to fly out that night. I basically started hyperventilating, this had to be a dream right? I got off work at 5 that day and rushed home to shower and get ready. I had been anticipating getting my flight information since 1pm that day and it was 7 and I still hadn't heard anything. I again started to doubt the legitimacy of this whole interaction. At 7:45pm I got a text from Cee Lo with all my flight info, unfortunately for me the flight was leaving at 9pm from BWI and there was no way I could make it at that point. I texted him back apologizing but I just couldn't make it, it was too short of notice but if there was a flight in the morning I would gladly take that. Next thing I knew I got a call from his assistant with info for a flight leaving at 7:30 from BWI Saturday morning.
When I arrived in Chicago the next morning there was an Escalade waiting to pick me up. I pinched myself at least 4 times. I arrived at the W hotel and was led up to Cee Lo's room. I was expecting there to be a bunch of people there getting him ready for the show and getting me ready too. I was mistaken, Cee Lo let me in and it was just me and him hangin like old friends for like 6 hours. We watched shark week and Stepbrothers, I was in heaven. He was totally cool and grounded, he explained to me because of some bitch selling a story to the Enquirer about him I wasn't going to be able to join him on stage but I would still get to go to the show. I couldn't care less about not going on stage, I had just gotten a free trip to Chicago and was getting a backstage pass to Lollapalooza, a festival I had wanted to go to for months but could never afford.
My best friend Alyson had recently moved to Chicago so I left the W to meet her for dinner and drinks. While I was out Cee Lo texted me telling me to be ready to leave at 5:30. I asked if Alyson could come with me and he said sure. So wait, not only was I going backstage at Lollapalooza but my best friend in the whole world who I hardly get to see was coming with me. I was floored to say the least! Alyson, me, and the rest of Cee Lo's entourage arrived through the back gates of the festival in 2 blacked out Denali's. I have never felt more important in my life. We got to watch Cee Lo from above the stage on the rafters, his show was unreal. He left shortly after his performance but Alyson and I stayed for the open bar and an epic Eminem performance. After getting trashed and leaving the show with some nerds and going to a bar instead of Eminem's after party we were invited to(we've been kicking ourselves for a couple months for that one) we went back to Alyson's and passed the fuck out. I left to head back to Maryland at 3 the next day still in a dreamy haze. I had slept for a total of 8 hours that whole weekend but it didn't matter to me. Who needs sleep when your life is a dream?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
My Favorite Love/Hate Relationship
My best friend/roommate is an insecure Asian that used to be fat and funny and is now skinny and an asshole. I don't wanna give him away but his nickname is a type of transportation, lets just call him Plane. Never in my life have I met someone like Plane. I love him and would do anything for him, and hate him and would leave him stranded on the side of the road all at the same time. When its just us he really is the best friend. I can ask him for advice and he actually listens to me but put Plane in a room full of people and you got a "situation."
He thinks its funny to make fun of me and play practical jokes. For Valentines Day this past year he brought home flowers and balloons from his office and put them out for me with a card saying they were from a boy I really liked. I was so excited and surprised, I kept asking if this was a joke and he kept saying no. I couldn't stop smiling and then I looked over and Plane was laughing hysterically. My heart sank, did he really just get me that good? He then proceeded to call every one of our friends and tell them what I just fell for making me look like a complete idiot. I started plotting how I was going to get him back immediately. I believe the next night I may or may not have slapped him in the face 4 times. He takes poking fun to a whole new level: hell.
He can also be a total sweetheart. I couldn't tell you how many times he's brought me chipotle in bed when I'm too hungover on a Sunday morning. He's bagged all my laundry for me and driven it from our house in Kensington to my parents house in Gaithersburg. He's opened up to me about times when you would actually believe he had a heart. That he cares about girls as more than just one night stands. If I could have this Plane all the time I wouldn't have to yell nearly as much as I do now.
I don't see my Planey boy coming out of his player dick head ways anytime soon. I don't mind though because I'm just as mean to him as he is to me and when you have a confidence like mine a few ego blows are healthy every once in awhile. Same for him, I have learned to never tell him, "You're so funny!" or, "Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?" This only fuels evil Plane and make him feel more important. Now I just shoot him down as often as possible. When he calls I ask, "Did you eat carbs today? Your voice sounds fatter." And I make sure to never ever compliment him on his outfit choices.
Plane will always be one of my closest friends. I made a $1000 bet with him that we won't make out in the next 5 years. I am looking very much forward to collecting that money in 2016.
He thinks its funny to make fun of me and play practical jokes. For Valentines Day this past year he brought home flowers and balloons from his office and put them out for me with a card saying they were from a boy I really liked. I was so excited and surprised, I kept asking if this was a joke and he kept saying no. I couldn't stop smiling and then I looked over and Plane was laughing hysterically. My heart sank, did he really just get me that good? He then proceeded to call every one of our friends and tell them what I just fell for making me look like a complete idiot. I started plotting how I was going to get him back immediately. I believe the next night I may or may not have slapped him in the face 4 times. He takes poking fun to a whole new level: hell.
He can also be a total sweetheart. I couldn't tell you how many times he's brought me chipotle in bed when I'm too hungover on a Sunday morning. He's bagged all my laundry for me and driven it from our house in Kensington to my parents house in Gaithersburg. He's opened up to me about times when you would actually believe he had a heart. That he cares about girls as more than just one night stands. If I could have this Plane all the time I wouldn't have to yell nearly as much as I do now.
I don't see my Planey boy coming out of his player dick head ways anytime soon. I don't mind though because I'm just as mean to him as he is to me and when you have a confidence like mine a few ego blows are healthy every once in awhile. Same for him, I have learned to never tell him, "You're so funny!" or, "Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?" This only fuels evil Plane and make him feel more important. Now I just shoot him down as often as possible. When he calls I ask, "Did you eat carbs today? Your voice sounds fatter." And I make sure to never ever compliment him on his outfit choices.
Plane will always be one of my closest friends. I made a $1000 bet with him that we won't make out in the next 5 years. I am looking very much forward to collecting that money in 2016.
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